A couple of weeks ago Hillary was still there when I arrived for my shower night visit. There have been problems with the toilet in one of the bathrooms backing up and, with it being a bathroom Dad tends to use frequently, it needed to be dealt with right away. Dad was standing in the door of the bathroom talking to Hillary as I walked in.
"Oh good! You're already up", I said. "Guess what day it is! Shower day!"
"I'll do it later", he replied.
"No you won't", I said, "You'll take one now".
We both made our way from the door through the kitchen and started to cross the living room when I realized he was making a B-line for his recliner. I jumped in front of him and spun his chair around backward to cut him off from his goal.
"Dad, you're not sitting down now, you're taking a shower"
"NO!" he said with a smile, daring me to contradict him.
"Yes, Dad, you are taking a shower", I insisted.
"NO!" he said with a smile of delighted resistance.
I knew this argument could continue indefinitely if I didn't change my approach.
"Dad, you have to take a shower", I said lowering my voice and holding him by the shoulders. "You haven't showered in a week."
"I beg your pardon, yes, I have!" he replied, clearly insulted.
"No, you have not", I shot back, "Do you know how I know?" I poked him in the chest with one finger, "I picked out that shirt and that t-shirt for you last week."
He finally gave in. I have noticed that he is particularly resistant when other people are around. That is why I prefer to have Mike and the kids hide if they accompany me on shower night.
Dad is having a harder and harder time getting around. On shower nights I usually will observe any cuts, scratches or edema in is legs, feet and ankles and if anything looks worrisome I will take pictures and send them to my siblings. His ankles and feet have been swelling a lot lately and since I am the only one up until now who sees him mostly undressed on a weekly basis, I am most likely to notice a problem and alert the others.
That said, Dad has been picking at the same series of scabs on his shin for months now and they are not going away. Actually, they appear to be getting worse. On the last two shower nights I have noticed, aside from the usual edema, purple feet and worsening scratches on his legs he also had large white patches on the soles of his feet. I sent pictures to my siblings and asked their opinions. We unanimously agreed that we needed to step up his hygiene quite a bit. I suggested that each of us commit to one shower a week effective immediately. Everyone agreed and my brother, Tom, committed to Monday nights specifically.
I knew that he would need a lot of information to be successful so Monday morning I sent him several long texts with instructions and additional tips to increase his odds of success:
- Make sure he is standing and away from his chair before announcing it's shower night.
- Have his "uniform" on the bed before he undresses so he knows you know what he needs. The uniform includes clean briefs, undershirt, socks, hanky, overshirt and jeans.
- Check the pockets of his dirty clothes for wallet, pens, hankies, glasses and toothpicks.
- Have the small standing towel rack positioned by the shower with two large towels.
- Put a hand towel on the floor of the shower to prevent slipping.
- Make sure soap-on-a-rope, wash cloth and scrub brush are sitting on his shower chair and shampoo is beside it.
- Pre-warm the water for him once he has undressed.
- Don't leave him to do his thing until he has given you everything but his briefs (he may keep his briefs and his dignity but everything else is going in the wash). Put them in the washer but do not start the wash until he finishes showering.
- Leave the room for a moment when he is walking in to the bathroom but come back after a few seconds and check that he is really getting in. He has tried to fake us out before by just wetting his hair.
- Once he is in, check on him every so often to make sure he is really washing.
- After he is out, you can start in the washer.
- Wash briefs and towels separately with plenty of bleach. (Truthfully, I did not expect Tom to do the wash at all. I figured his hands would be too full just trying to get Dad to cooperate.)
"Are you stuck?" I asked, thinking Dad had already managed to stonewall him.
"No, I'm goin' in!" he said jokingly like a man entering a warzone. "Any last things I should know?"
Pleasantly surprised I said, "Take the dirties out of the room as soon as they are off. If you don't, he might try to put them back on when leave the room."
"Okay. Where should his uniform be?"
"On the bed so he can see it but far enough away that he can't reach it", I instructed.
"Okay, good", he said.
I was glad to hear him so enthusiastic and wondered if Dad would give him a hard time or if it would be easier for Tom, being a guy. I waited for word...and it wasn't long before I got a text.
"He's in the shower!" it read.
"Wow! That's great, Tom!" I responded, genuinely impressed. His response was priceless.
"I feel like I just negotiated a major peace treaty! Thank you times a thousand!!"
"It does feel good, doesn't it? :)", I responded.
"How about the clothes?", he asked, "What should I do with them?"
"Throw them in the shower with him!" I joked.
"Lol!"
"Just wash the briefs and towels separately from the rest", I said, impressed that he would take on the laundry as well. "Thanks for following through!"
"Thank you! Love you, li'l sis."
"Love you, too, bro!"
To be continued....
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